I've finally decided to write.  I was going through some things, as usual.  On the subject of the guy from the last post, that's done and over.  We went months without talking, then one day he decides to text me.  I answered and let him visit.  Sounds like a dumb move, but it actually helped me. 

Like I said, for months we did not talk.  I would get butterflies in my stomach everytime I saw him because I did not know where we stood.  Last time we had talked we agreed on the friend thing.  But since I had started to notice he was ignoring me, I dropped that idea.  So anyways, he came over and...let's just say he rejected me.  I thought back to the many conversations I had about him with my friend and kicked him out.  He tried to act like he was offended, but hey.  How many times can I let that happen?  And how many times am I gonna let a selfish, immature jerk dictate how I feel? 

So, since that episode, I've been cool.  I see him, there's nothing.  I mean I think about him.  But it's not in the same way.  It's more like, how could I have let myself be duped into thinking he was a cool person.  Even after the shady shit he was pulling.  Like he was the shit or something.  And I guess my actions were pumping him up to believing that also.  But no more.  I'm done.  I don't hate him, but I have learned.  Hell, when we came in contact with each other, I smiled and said hi. 

Sooo, I turned 31 about a week ago.  I'm looking forward into making this year a more positive experience.  I have put myself on a dick hiatus.  No touching, no seeking, no fraternizing with dick for a while.  I gotta get my mind right.  Stop relying on them for happiness that's not coming.  I'm going to make a conscious effort to bring happiness and positivity into my world.  I know I've said that before, but I've been working on it everyday since the b-day. 

The B-day.  I celebrated from Thursday night until Sunday night and added a few days off from work in there.  Thursday, my friends and I went to this pool hall.  We shot a few, played air hockey, fooze ball, shot some hoops, and had a couple of drinks.  At midnight, they sang happy birthday to me.  Friday, my actual b-day, we hit a couple of happy hours.  That night, I got tossed.  Not on purpose, but it was my b-day and it just happened.  My friends dropped me off at home and parked my car.  Saturday, I treated my mom and myself to facials and massages.  The best ever.  I had a hot rock massage that I just can't let go of.  Beautiful!  Went to DSW and bought 3 pairs of cute shoes.  Later that night, I had surf and turf and drinks with my mom.  Sunday, my grandma and mom made me a soulfood dinner which consisted of collard greens, candied yams, mac and cheese, and chicken.  Mmmm.  Monday, I couldn't move.  I laid up in bed all day.  But I think I did go shopping that night.  Yep, I did.  It was a good celebration. 

Trying to feel a little better.  I've been praying a lot more.  Whenever I get the crazies, I pray.  Lawd, Lawd, please help me.  But seriously, I'm trying to let go of the hurt I feel people have caused me because, hell, I haven't told them and they don't know.  Can't fault them for that, huh? 

Random: Today I pissed off a co-worker.  At the last minute I told her that I had already updated the court results on her part of the list.  She was pissed, but I reminded her that I did tell her that I did update the list up until monday.  Plus I thought she understood when I was printing the list out for my supervisor.  I understand how she may feel, but then I'm like fuck it, pay attention to what I say. 

Anyway, I gotta get back on track.  Well, some track.  I've been exercising, but I need to cut back on the drinking and staying up late.  Gotta learn how to deal.  Three more months until I can really kiss 30 goodbye.  Kiss my ass 30.  You are truly a bitch.

Everything's been going fine for a while.  I've done my second round of reports for work.  I messed up the first draft, but the second draft came out cool, I guess.  Umm...I'm leaving next week for vacation.  Heading out to Puerto Rico.  I hope it's nice out there.  I just wanna eat, relax, go atving, and drink.  Four days of relaxation.